I have always dreamed of being a stay at home mom. I never thought it would actually happen. I used to day dream about all of the cool and great things I would do with my kids and how I would have a clean house all the time. Well...I am about a month and a half into my new career as domestic engineer and I can tell you it is not what I thought it would be.
Not that it is bad, just different.
Three weeks ago I had the blessing of giving birth to our baby boy Kendall. He is so sweet and tiny (I don't care he was 9lbs. and people say that is not tiny...to me he is tiny). Our house is clean and I have a lot of ideas on how to be creative, but I didn't realize how much time a newborn takes.
Every second is totally worth it, but it is just a lot sometimes. When he cries, we go through the list of things that could be wrong. Wet, hungry, uncomfortable, hot, cold, gas? We can tell sometimes by the way he cries. But not always.
When I look at him, I think of how this is challenging to us and how it must be so much more for him. He has to learn everything! How to breath, eat, sleep on his own, everything!
The first time I went to the bathroom without him, I cried! For nine months he was with me constantly. All of a sudden I have to share him and trust others to be careful and take care of him. I think God knew I couldn't handle being away from him, so he allowed my job to go away.
I had all of these wonderful dreams and expectations about bringing him home. I was living in a fantasy world. Our whole experience could be in a movie. It really was nothing like I had imagined.
Here is the story:
My original due date was July 9, 2010. It got pushed back to July 8th about midway through the pregnancy. I was told that he was weighing in at 6lbs. We had my baby shower on June 19th. I felt fine but really tired. On June 21st I took Jackson to Target and ran some errands. We went to bed and around 11:20 I felt a trickle of warm water on my leg. My first thought was, "Did I just pee myself?" Then realized it was still coming out. I knew John would freak out. I gently nudged him and told him my water broke. He jumps up and starts yelling for Jackson to get up. He is running around asking me where things are. I kept telling him I had everything. I asked Jackson to get a towel and help me to the car. We get in the car and John starts driving. He goes really slow! He normally drives like a maniac!! I tell him to speed up! He did. We got to the hospital and they told me they had to test to check that it was my water that broke and not my bladder! Really? That would be very painful I would think! So they said I was in active labor. We called everyone to tell them. My parents came and got Jackson. I honestly don't remember a lot of anything except the contractions got worse and I was not dilating correctly. I only got to 6cm. The doctor gave me a choice to have a C-section or get meds. I chose C-section. I was in labor 23 hours. Kendall Alan Mason was born at 10:46 pm June 22, 2010. 9lbs 21.5 inches long. He was so beautiful. I was so groggy from the morphine in my spinal cord. I couldn't hear him at first and kept asking if he was ok. John finally brought him to me. We went to a room and Jackson came in to hold his little brother. He was a little jaundiced but other than that, he was perfect. Our lives changed forever!!
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Life with Mason Mayhem
Hi! I am officially a stay at home mom of two boys and a busy working hubby. I have started to realize a lot of things about life as mine has been changing so much. This is my dream, yet it is soooo scary! Kam will be 1! on Wednesday! Growing so fast. Jax is 11 and we are hitting puberty! I want to keep him little, he wants to be grown. Ahhhh I didn't know motherhood could break your heart so much! I plan to update more often. Gotta go get my weekly dose of Extreme Couponing so I will hold to the hope of one day beating this system!!!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
From no job to wonderful baby fog!
I have always dreamed of being a stay at home mom. I never thought it would actually happen. I used to day dream about all of the cool and great things I would do with my kids and how I would have a clean house all the time. Well...I am about a month and a half into my new career as domestic engineer and I can tell you it is not what I thought it would be.
Not that it is bad, just different.
Three weeks ago I had the blessing of giving birth to our baby boy Kendall. He is so sweet and tiny (I don't care he was 9lbs. and people say that is not tiny...to me he is tiny). Our house is clean and I have a lot of ideas on how to be creative, but I didn't realize how much time a newborn takes.
Every second is totally worth it, but it is just a lot sometimes. When he cries, we go through the list of things that could be wrong. Wet, hungry, uncomfortable, hot, cold, gas? We can tell sometimes by the way he cries. But not always.
When I look at him, I think of how this is challenging to us and how it must be so much more for him. He has to learn everything! How to breath, eat, sleep on his own, everything!
The first time I went to the bathroom without him, I cried! For nine months he was with me constantly. All of a sudden I have to share him and trust others to be careful and take care of him. I think God knew I couldn't handle being away from him, so he allowed my job to go away.
I had all of these wonderful dreams and expectations about bringing him home. I was living in a fantasy world. Our whole experience could be in a movie. It really was nothing like I had imagined.
Here is the story:
My original due date was July 9, 2010. It got pushed back to July 8th about midway through the pregnancy. I was told that he was weighing in at 6lbs. I, however, knew he was out of room and felt he was bigger. So on June 21, 2010 I went to bed around 10:30pm. Around 11:50pm I was awakened to a warm puddle that I could not stop. I knew John would freak out! So, I gently tapped him on the shoulder several times and calmly said, "Honey, don't freak out, but my water broke." Of course he freaked out. He was running around the house asking where this and that were. I kept repeating, "In the bag honey." We arrived at the hospital a little after midnight. The doctor checked to make sure it was my water that had broken and it was. We were sent to labor and delivery where we spent the next fifteen or so hours. I had contractions but only dialated to 6 and this was after cervadal and potosin (sp). So around 10:00pm Dr. Troutman came in and said due to failure to progress he wanted to do a c-section. At 10:46pm on 6-22-10 our sweet boy Kendall Alan Mason was born. Weighing in at 9lbs and 21.5 in long. I knew he was out of room!! I was so happy but also so drugged that I just wanted to go to sleep. I didn't though. And I guess I really have not had a lot of sleep since. It is all worth it!!
John has been the very best daddy...as I knew he would be. I did not change a diaper until we got home. And now if John is home, he will help with the care of the boys. He is a great helper and dad!
Jackson still doesn't really know what to do with Kendall. He is still too little. But he will soon enough.
I had all of these dreams of how wonderful and peaceful birth would be and how I would have the cutest pictures taken of him in the hospital and how bringing him home would be this huge wonderful ordeal. HA! Our last night in the hospital was awful. We got no sleep at all. Kendall was eating like crazy (cluster feeding) and John and I were at each other's throats (lack of sleep will do that to us...we both have to have our sleep or we are no good!). John had witnessed a baby in the nursery getting a circumcision and we were debating on whether or not to get Kendall done or not. It was a different pediatrician and after speaking to ours, we decided to have his procedure done in the office later. The picture lady was nice but wanted us to have all of these props for the pictures and we were not feeling any of that. We just wanted to get home. So...the morning of our departure we got the news that our boy was jaundiced and we had to keep him on a bili light that would be delivered to our home later that afternoon. We had an appointment with the pediatrician the next morning to see what his progress was. Because Kendall came early we did not have his car seat installed. It had been riding in the back of our Cherokee for a few weeks. We did have Kyra's car seat installed. Poor John had to uninstall Kyra's seat and install Kendall's. I had a transporter take me and all of our stuff from our room down to the entrance to meet John. When we got downstairs, Ribbit, the mascot for the Greenville Drive was standing out there with the Fox news crew, camera rolling and all. And there I sit in a wheel chair holding my jaundiced newborn wearing no shoes because my feet were soooooo swollen that I couldn't fit into any of my shoes. John came around with the car and I wobbled over (oh yeah did I mention that I was in soooooo much pain that I could barely stand?) to the car and hopped in. A lot faster than I probably should have. The car seat was installed, but our poor little baby was not fitting in the seat the correct way. We pulled over in the parking lot of the hospital and tried to figure it out. We couldn't. So we just headed home. We were greeted at home by my mom and step dad and a wonderfully clean house. So it was not all bad. Just A LOT different than what I had imagined.
I am falling in love more and more with this sweet boy! I am so happy I don't have to worry about waking early for a job that sucked the life out of me. Now I wake early so a sweet life can get nourishment.
And the journey continues....it is a sweet life God has granted me with!
Not that it is bad, just different.
Three weeks ago I had the blessing of giving birth to our baby boy Kendall. He is so sweet and tiny (I don't care he was 9lbs. and people say that is not tiny...to me he is tiny). Our house is clean and I have a lot of ideas on how to be creative, but I didn't realize how much time a newborn takes.
Every second is totally worth it, but it is just a lot sometimes. When he cries, we go through the list of things that could be wrong. Wet, hungry, uncomfortable, hot, cold, gas? We can tell sometimes by the way he cries. But not always.
When I look at him, I think of how this is challenging to us and how it must be so much more for him. He has to learn everything! How to breath, eat, sleep on his own, everything!
The first time I went to the bathroom without him, I cried! For nine months he was with me constantly. All of a sudden I have to share him and trust others to be careful and take care of him. I think God knew I couldn't handle being away from him, so he allowed my job to go away.
I had all of these wonderful dreams and expectations about bringing him home. I was living in a fantasy world. Our whole experience could be in a movie. It really was nothing like I had imagined.
Here is the story:
My original due date was July 9, 2010. It got pushed back to July 8th about midway through the pregnancy. I was told that he was weighing in at 6lbs. I, however, knew he was out of room and felt he was bigger. So on June 21, 2010 I went to bed around 10:30pm. Around 11:50pm I was awakened to a warm puddle that I could not stop. I knew John would freak out! So, I gently tapped him on the shoulder several times and calmly said, "Honey, don't freak out, but my water broke." Of course he freaked out. He was running around the house asking where this and that were. I kept repeating, "In the bag honey." We arrived at the hospital a little after midnight. The doctor checked to make sure it was my water that had broken and it was. We were sent to labor and delivery where we spent the next fifteen or so hours. I had contractions but only dialated to 6 and this was after cervadal and potosin (sp). So around 10:00pm Dr. Troutman came in and said due to failure to progress he wanted to do a c-section. At 10:46pm on 6-22-10 our sweet boy Kendall Alan Mason was born. Weighing in at 9lbs and 21.5 in long. I knew he was out of room!! I was so happy but also so drugged that I just wanted to go to sleep. I didn't though. And I guess I really have not had a lot of sleep since. It is all worth it!!
John has been the very best daddy...as I knew he would be. I did not change a diaper until we got home. And now if John is home, he will help with the care of the boys. He is a great helper and dad!
Jackson still doesn't really know what to do with Kendall. He is still too little. But he will soon enough.
I had all of these dreams of how wonderful and peaceful birth would be and how I would have the cutest pictures taken of him in the hospital and how bringing him home would be this huge wonderful ordeal. HA! Our last night in the hospital was awful. We got no sleep at all. Kendall was eating like crazy (cluster feeding) and John and I were at each other's throats (lack of sleep will do that to us...we both have to have our sleep or we are no good!). John had witnessed a baby in the nursery getting a circumcision and we were debating on whether or not to get Kendall done or not. It was a different pediatrician and after speaking to ours, we decided to have his procedure done in the office later. The picture lady was nice but wanted us to have all of these props for the pictures and we were not feeling any of that. We just wanted to get home. So...the morning of our departure we got the news that our boy was jaundiced and we had to keep him on a bili light that would be delivered to our home later that afternoon. We had an appointment with the pediatrician the next morning to see what his progress was. Because Kendall came early we did not have his car seat installed. It had been riding in the back of our Cherokee for a few weeks. We did have Kyra's car seat installed. Poor John had to uninstall Kyra's seat and install Kendall's. I had a transporter take me and all of our stuff from our room down to the entrance to meet John. When we got downstairs, Ribbit, the mascot for the Greenville Drive was standing out there with the Fox news crew, camera rolling and all. And there I sit in a wheel chair holding my jaundiced newborn wearing no shoes because my feet were soooooo swollen that I couldn't fit into any of my shoes. John came around with the car and I wobbled over (oh yeah did I mention that I was in soooooo much pain that I could barely stand?) to the car and hopped in. A lot faster than I probably should have. The car seat was installed, but our poor little baby was not fitting in the seat the correct way. We pulled over in the parking lot of the hospital and tried to figure it out. We couldn't. So we just headed home. We were greeted at home by my mom and step dad and a wonderfully clean house. So it was not all bad. Just A LOT different than what I had imagined.
I am falling in love more and more with this sweet boy! I am so happy I don't have to worry about waking early for a job that sucked the life out of me. Now I wake early so a sweet life can get nourishment.
And the journey continues....it is a sweet life God has granted me with!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Here I gooooooo....Another Journey!
Well, on 6-27-05 I made a 4.5 year stop on my journey. WIA/Onestop has been just that. One Stop on my life's journey.
May 5, 2010 God pushed me out of my comfort zone and is preparing me for another stop (hopefully a much longer one!) on my journey.
MOTHERHOOD x 2!
I have my wonderful baby (well he is 10...but still my baby!) Jackson. We are 33 weeks and four days pregnant with our sweet baby Kendall Alan Mason.
Even though this huge change has turned my world upside down and shaken out my confidence and security, it has reminded me that God is in control! NOT man! I was having nightmares about who was going to keep my sweet bundle and wondering if I could truly go to work everyday and feel comfortable with someone else raising my baby.
A long time ago, God placed a dream in my heart to be a mom. A little later He placed a dream in my heart to become a Mary Kay Director in order to be a mom and still make money.
Everything in God's timing!!! I just needed a push!
I am so thankful to start this journey!!!
May 5, 2010 God pushed me out of my comfort zone and is preparing me for another stop (hopefully a much longer one!) on my journey.
MOTHERHOOD x 2!
I have my wonderful baby (well he is 10...but still my baby!) Jackson. We are 33 weeks and four days pregnant with our sweet baby Kendall Alan Mason.
Even though this huge change has turned my world upside down and shaken out my confidence and security, it has reminded me that God is in control! NOT man! I was having nightmares about who was going to keep my sweet bundle and wondering if I could truly go to work everyday and feel comfortable with someone else raising my baby.
A long time ago, God placed a dream in my heart to be a mom. A little later He placed a dream in my heart to become a Mary Kay Director in order to be a mom and still make money.
Everything in God's timing!!! I just needed a push!
I am so thankful to start this journey!!!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Happy Birthday Alan!
As most of you know, birthday's were very important to Alan! He was so funny about how he would want a surprise party, but wouldn't say it. He knew that I/we would pull through to celebrate the day of his birth. Today he would have been 37. That is unbelievable to me. In the short 33 years that he was on this Earth, he had such an impact on every person that came in contact with him. Especially me. John sometimes says that Alan and I were perfect. We were. God knew what He was doing when he allowed us to meet on that highway that hot July night in 1995.
Today I have found myself trying to figure out a way to celebrate the time Alan had here with all of us. I don't quite know how because it seems no matter what I do, it will not compare to the life we all miss so much. Sometimes it seems like such a lifetime ago, and then other times it feels just like it is happening all over again.
As I opened my eyes this morning, ironically laying in the same spot that he bravely left this world, I thought of his laugh. And weirdly enough, John laughed just like him this morning. I think Alan helped John find me and I am so grateful for that. Alan knew I could not live life alone, and he knew John would be good for me.
I just wanted to tell you all that I am thinking of all of you today as we all still grieve in our own way and I want you to know that even though everyone may not agree with what the others do, we all still need love.
There are some broken relationships within this group of email lists and I pray everyday that reconciliation will come. We are all just longing for love and acceptance. Just as Alan embraced life so whole heartedly, I pray each of you do. At least for today!
Alan always said life is a journey. When things are bad, cry for only a moment and then just do what you can to make things better.
I love you all!
Happy Birthday Houka!
Today I have found myself trying to figure out a way to celebrate the time Alan had here with all of us. I don't quite know how because it seems no matter what I do, it will not compare to the life we all miss so much. Sometimes it seems like such a lifetime ago, and then other times it feels just like it is happening all over again.
As I opened my eyes this morning, ironically laying in the same spot that he bravely left this world, I thought of his laugh. And weirdly enough, John laughed just like him this morning. I think Alan helped John find me and I am so grateful for that. Alan knew I could not live life alone, and he knew John would be good for me.
I just wanted to tell you all that I am thinking of all of you today as we all still grieve in our own way and I want you to know that even though everyone may not agree with what the others do, we all still need love.
There are some broken relationships within this group of email lists and I pray everyday that reconciliation will come. We are all just longing for love and acceptance. Just as Alan embraced life so whole heartedly, I pray each of you do. At least for today!
Alan always said life is a journey. When things are bad, cry for only a moment and then just do what you can to make things better.
I love you all!
Happy Birthday Houka!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
30 Things About V
30 Things About V
1. I am a child of God. I try to live HIS will everyday. I love our church (even after visiting around, we are pulled back to SCC!!).
2. I have been blessed by God so much! I had a wonderful first marriage to Alan Weaver, whom I miss everyday. His love for music and humor are two things that I hold on to. So much more of course! His life impacted so many people in a good way. He is truly missed.
3. God has Blessed me with a beautiful husband and son that I am soooo glad and excited to enjoy the journey of life with!
4. I have never been good on my own. I love being married. I am a true believer that God created us to depend on one another, help one another, love unconditionally and enjoy the little things in life together.
5. I love that John loves me enough to always think of me, put up with my crap and surprise me with little and big things all of the time. NEVER a dull moment! It is WONDERFUL!!
6. I LOVE being a mom to Jackson! He is such a good boy! So funny and sweet. Never know what he will come up with!! Little ham!
7. I would love to have a baby and pray that God will bless us with one. That is our biggest prayer this year.
8. I miss the closeness of my family. Things have happened and things are not the same.
9. I love my in-laws---ALL of them!!!! Weaver/Hopes and Masons!
10. I love being an Aunt! Love to see my nieces and nephews grow and change. I hate I can't see them all of the time!!!! (12 nephews-6 I have not met in person but have seen pictures and 6 nieces!)
11. I miss a lot of my friends and family that I used to be closer too. (Alan's family especially)
12. People tell my sister and I that we look like twins. We don't think so and think it is hilarious!
13. I am blessed to still have Grandparents alive and close by. I do miss my Grandma Kemp sooo much.
14. I love rain!
15. My favorite color is pink and my favorite number is 9.
16. I love telling people Happy Birthday so I try to keep all the dates on my calendar. Everyone deserves a special day.
17. I love to read but never have the time. It takes me FOREVER to finish a book.
18. I love to take baths. I sometimes take two a day and sometimes fall asleep (Dana has always fussed at me about this! :)) I have even been known to make Mary Kay calls from the tub!
19. I love doing Mary Kay. I just hate it when my sweet customers have to wait for me to order things. I love that they stick with me though!! Thank you! You are all wonderful!!
20. I love to eat hot dogs cut up with cheese on them. Wieners and cheese baby!
21. I hated High School. Never felt I fit in anywhere.
22. LOVED Winthrop!!! Fit in and opened up, became more confident in myself.
23. I miss working with kids, but enjoy seeing my customers achieve their goals.
24. I like to tent camp! My favorite is waking up when it is really cold and having a yummy breakfast by the fire. I LOVE to kayak and when I can do both at the same place, it is a wonderful time!!!
25. I like to be organized and know what is going on. Therefore, I like to plan. I like to be spontaneous sometimes too of course!
26. I love snuggling with my hubby and son on our Friday night pizza and movie nights!
27. I love cold weather. Love to wear sweaters. But of course here in the South, I don't really get to do that a lot.
28. One of my guilty pleasures is Family Guy. I know it is very sac religious at times and I change it then, but it is so funny to see a baby that says what he thinks-in an English accent!!
29. I CAN'T STAND IT when people say: liberry for library, sunt for sent, acrosst for across, axed for asked, screet for street, stroll for scroll, indivjul for individual, and hiever for however!!!
30. I realize life changes so fast and so often sometimes I feel I am a completely different person and this life cannot be real!
1. I am a child of God. I try to live HIS will everyday. I love our church (even after visiting around, we are pulled back to SCC!!).
2. I have been blessed by God so much! I had a wonderful first marriage to Alan Weaver, whom I miss everyday. His love for music and humor are two things that I hold on to. So much more of course! His life impacted so many people in a good way. He is truly missed.
3. God has Blessed me with a beautiful husband and son that I am soooo glad and excited to enjoy the journey of life with!
4. I have never been good on my own. I love being married. I am a true believer that God created us to depend on one another, help one another, love unconditionally and enjoy the little things in life together.
5. I love that John loves me enough to always think of me, put up with my crap and surprise me with little and big things all of the time. NEVER a dull moment! It is WONDERFUL!!
6. I LOVE being a mom to Jackson! He is such a good boy! So funny and sweet. Never know what he will come up with!! Little ham!
7. I would love to have a baby and pray that God will bless us with one. That is our biggest prayer this year.
8. I miss the closeness of my family. Things have happened and things are not the same.
9. I love my in-laws---ALL of them!!!! Weaver/Hopes and Masons!
10. I love being an Aunt! Love to see my nieces and nephews grow and change. I hate I can't see them all of the time!!!! (12 nephews-6 I have not met in person but have seen pictures and 6 nieces!)
11. I miss a lot of my friends and family that I used to be closer too. (Alan's family especially)
12. People tell my sister and I that we look like twins. We don't think so and think it is hilarious!
13. I am blessed to still have Grandparents alive and close by. I do miss my Grandma Kemp sooo much.
14. I love rain!
15. My favorite color is pink and my favorite number is 9.
16. I love telling people Happy Birthday so I try to keep all the dates on my calendar. Everyone deserves a special day.
17. I love to read but never have the time. It takes me FOREVER to finish a book.
18. I love to take baths. I sometimes take two a day and sometimes fall asleep (Dana has always fussed at me about this! :)) I have even been known to make Mary Kay calls from the tub!
19. I love doing Mary Kay. I just hate it when my sweet customers have to wait for me to order things. I love that they stick with me though!! Thank you! You are all wonderful!!
20. I love to eat hot dogs cut up with cheese on them. Wieners and cheese baby!
21. I hated High School. Never felt I fit in anywhere.
22. LOVED Winthrop!!! Fit in and opened up, became more confident in myself.
23. I miss working with kids, but enjoy seeing my customers achieve their goals.
24. I like to tent camp! My favorite is waking up when it is really cold and having a yummy breakfast by the fire. I LOVE to kayak and when I can do both at the same place, it is a wonderful time!!!
25. I like to be organized and know what is going on. Therefore, I like to plan. I like to be spontaneous sometimes too of course!
26. I love snuggling with my hubby and son on our Friday night pizza and movie nights!
27. I love cold weather. Love to wear sweaters. But of course here in the South, I don't really get to do that a lot.
28. One of my guilty pleasures is Family Guy. I know it is very sac religious at times and I change it then, but it is so funny to see a baby that says what he thinks-in an English accent!!
29. I CAN'T STAND IT when people say: liberry for library, sunt for sent, acrosst for across, axed for asked, screet for street, stroll for scroll, indivjul for individual, and hiever for however!!!
30. I realize life changes so fast and so often sometimes I feel I am a completely different person and this life cannot be real!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Life in Segments
Three years ago today my life changed dramatically! I have 3 major segments of my life. Childhood, life with Alan and life after Alan. When Alan died, all of my hopes, dreams, wishes, prayers ended abruptly. I was 29 years old and had no clue how to live my life without a calendar full of doctor's appointments and being 'on the ready' for our next medical adventure. Nine wonderful years were spent in and out of doctors offices and hospitals, but it was not all sad. Alan had such life! He was so vibrant and beautiful. And let's not forget his sense of humor. I was awed daily with his upbeat humor and wit.
Today my life is completely different!
This is not a bad thing. Just a different thing. I have learned and grown and discovered so much about myself. A part of me does grieve for things and people that I don't speak to on a daily basis any more. Family and friends have come and gone. Memories are there but people don't talk about them much. People I thought for sure would be there for me haven't been. Some people still call or text or email to see how I am. Others, if I don't initiate contact, I don't hear from them. I guess that is OK, their way of dealing. In other instances I have had to fight for just an ounce of wiggle room to live life after Alan the way I have felt I needed to. All in all, I am so blessed to have the 10 years of memories and love from Alan. I know he was truly an angel and I do miss him everyday.
About a year and half after he died, I was on a trip with my sister, and I prayed a prayer. A prayer that I feel was answered very quickly. Let me explain a little more.
You see, I was having such a hard time being alone. I did not feel comfortable any where I went. There was something missing. Someone missing. So, I would stay out late so not to have to go home to an empty house. I had friends that would let me crash at their houses if I needed to. People I don't think I would necessarily hang out with normally, but good, kind people nonetheless. I was trying to find a way to just feel better and take the pain away. It was a pain that I don't know how to describe. My best friend was gone. Even though he was sick, it was sudden. A kick in the gut that I don't wish on anyone.
I attended a grief group for spouses only. This helped so much. It helped me to see that God had plans for me.
So on this trip I prayed that God would give me a peace about being alone. I prayed that He would send a sweet Christian guy that would love me for me and want to be my best friend. I prayed that this person would be totally understanding of my situation, want kids and accept me for who I am right now.
Not quite a month after I prayed that prayer, John came into my life.
When I saw him, I knew I would marry him.
When I met Jackson, I knew I would be his mom.
It just felt right.
Now, a year and a half after our marriage, I still miss Alan and will always love him and have a place for him in my heart. However, I know God had/has other plans for me. I wake up everyday excited to see what life has in store around the corner.
Recently I have been told, by more than one person, that I have changed. I truly have changed. How could I stay the same person? Doesn't God take us on journeys so we can come out the other side a stronger, better, more knowledgeable person??
I think so. So please, even if you did not know Alan, say a little prayer and thank God that there are people in this world that leave such an impact on us that make us want to be a better person.
Miss you Houka!
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